


Black Rose

by massuneko



Category: VIXX
Genre: M/M, fictional illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2019-01-09 11:02:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12275070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/massuneko/pseuds/massuneko
Summary: Wonshik didn't know that falling in love with Taekwoon came with heavy price.





	Black Rose

**Author's Note:**

> Just a random idea I got after being zapped by static electricity again and again in the office. Anyway, a friend asked for happy ending, so a happy ending it is. Some events are referenced to actual events, but I'm really bad at crosschecking everything so ye.

It didn’t take long for Wonshik to realize that he’s in love, and he’s surprised at just how well he accepted the situation he brought to himself. Still, he wasn’t planning for it to be known just yet. Even better, he thought that it’s better to have it hidden away forever. The person he fell in love with was too precious for him, someone he regarded highly as his elder and bandmate and friend. Their relationship at the moment was perfect, and he didn’t want to ruin it.

The infatuation, although it felt hurt and difficult sometimes, helped him a lot in songwriting. Words flowed smoothly whenever he thought about the other man, about his gentle and warm personality under the cold demeanor, about his soft voice and beautiful appearance that often went unnoticed by people, and about just how brightly he shined in Wonshik’s eyes.

He thought he would be doing just fine like that, hiding the waves of his feelings behind the friendly touches and cheerful laughter and all. But at some point, he realized how he felt odd prickling sensation on his chest almost constantly, and how drowsy he felt despite the amount of rest and coffee he had. Not wanting to take any risk, but also not wanting to make the others worried, he decided to visit the hospital to have a checkup when they finally got some days off.

The result of the tests was something he could hardly comprehend. He stared blankly at the doctor when he heard the predicament, feeling as if he was thrown into some fantasy nonsense.

“This disease is new to us as well. We’re still studying about it, but we’ll make sure to give you the best treatment we can,” said the doctor. A brochure was handed to Wonshik afterwards, about support group meeting and where to read further about the disease. He mumbled a low thanks, then left the consultation room.

Attending support group meeting was out of question. Still, he could afford reading whatever was available about the disease. There was a site made especially to explain what it really was, complete with scientific journals and everything. He looked for the overall view on that disease, hoping that it wasn’t really that bad.

What he had was called ‘Black Rose Disease’. All the patients recorded to have this disease were experiencing prickling sensation around the heart area, and when screened, blotches that appeared like blooming black rose was seen. Strangely, although the pattern appeared on the heart, it’s the brain that got affected somehow. In early stage, the patients would feel building drowsiness, despite the number of rest they had. In later stages, patients might start falling asleep just anytime and anywhere. The sleeping period was shorter and less frequent at first, but over time, it would become longer and more frequent. Some patients got into various accidents at this stage, and not a few of them lost their life that way. Other patients that survived those accidents only met with another cruel end, having their brains ceased functioning all at once.

Just reading what could happen to him was enough to make Wonshik felt really sick. He thought that he’s still young, very young, with dreams to achieve and ambitions to be fulfilled. Dying that way would be too cruel and unfair for him.

He read further to look for any explanation about just how it could happen to him and what kind of treatment that could help him avoid such end. So far, the best alternative was heart transplant. But many patients got their symptoms reappeared even after the surgery, so it’s not an absolute cure. It’s just one way to prolong the life of the patient. Still, a heart transplant itself could have lots of complications, so some patients preferred not to undergo it. Wonshik also thought he wouldn’t risk it unless it could completely cure him.

When he couldn’t find more information on that site, he tried to search about it all over the internet. He stumbled upon a forum—a better alternative than support group meetings, since he could hide under pseudonym and didn’t have to show up at specific time. There were numerous discussions and assumptions based on those discussions. Wonshik skimmed those quickly, feeling that his eyes and head were already heavy from all the readings.

People in that forum were convinced that the cause of that disease—or curse, since they felt that there were barely any scientific explanation of how it could happen—was an unrequited love, which had rooted so deeply it caused the heart to be prickled by unseen thorns and the brain chose to live in a dream where the other person loved them back.

Wonshik scoffed loudly reading that, shaking his head and shoving his phone back into his pocket. No, it couldn’t be because of that. While he knew that he’s indeed in love with someone, the matter of whether it’s unrequited or not had yet been pronounced. He still received plenty of love, probably not even closely romantic, but brotherly and friendly love should be enough for him. His love wasn’t exactly unrequited.

But as the prickling sensation and the constant drowsiness bugged him in almost every moment, he desperately tried to look just what drove him to believe that his love was unrequited. They were close, and even closer after they debuted as a subunit, but somehow something convinced him otherwise.

One day, it hit him. It’s not that he felt that it’s unrequited. He was the one craving for more when he knew he couldn’t afford to have it. He hated just how greedy he’d become, and even more when he realized that it was showing in the music he wrote as well. Still, it seemed that no one had found out about his condition. After all, the prickling sensation wasn’t really that painful to the point it was shown in his expression, and his drowsiness could be dismissed as fatigue from all the practicing and composing. He thought that he still could manage it somehow, until he could find a cure.

* * *

The first time he promptly fell asleep on stage was when they were having a concert overseas. He remembered the intro of the song playing and him saying the opening part. But then world just spun around him, and the next time he woke up, he was already in the infirmary. He was told that he collapsed due to lack of oxygen and high temperature, but deep down he knew that it’s not the case. Still, he remained silent about his actual condition.

For better or worse, Taekwoon got unwell in the same concert. He was also diagnosed with the same condition—lack of oxygen and overheat—and both of them were told to have some rest. Wonshik recovered quickly, since he wasn’t really collapsing due to those conditions, and took the free time to check on Taekwoon’s condition.

Taekwoon was already pale to begin with, but somewhat he managed to look even paler. Wonshik could feel the thorns pricking his heart, more painful than before, but he kept a straight face as he walked closer and carefully brought over a chair to sit beside the bed. He planned to just watch, staying silent until drowsiness attacked him again, but Taekwoon cracked his eyes open before Wonshik even felt sleepy at all.

“You should be resting,” mumbled Taekwoon, voice barely even a whisper, but Wonshik could always hear it loud and clear.

“ _You_ should be resting,” replied Wonshik with a gentle smile. “I’ve had my share.”

He only hummed in reply, closing his eyes again. Wonshik lingered a little bit more, ignoring the thorns piercing his heart painfully with every beat. When he finally felt the urge to sleep again, he returned to his room, just so that he wouldn’t pass out right in front of Taekwoon.

* * *

There was no major incident again after that, mostly because the whole group was taking a break anyway. Taekwoon was still recovering, and he looked progressively better each time Wonshik came to visit him. As for himself, he also discreetly went to the hospital to see the progress of his own illness. He wasn’t really surprised when the doctor told him that his condition had gone much worse. The doctor offered him to be put in the waiting list for heart transplant. He refused with a gentle smile.

“What I need to know is how much time I have left,” said Wonshik calmly, as if he already accepted the reality.

“Looking from your current condition, two to three years. But for half of it, you’ll probably keep on falling asleep frequently. You won’t be able to function normally, and you’ll have to say goodbye to your career,” replied the doctor. Wonshik gave out a long sigh.

“Then I guess I’ll have to start preparing from now,” he replied.

And when he said that, he really meant it. Whenever he had days off, he would immediately lock himself in his studio, restlessly creating music until he just suddenly fell asleep on his seat. Others said he’s workaholic. He silently said that he’s simply running out of time.

At some point, though, Hakyeon managed to corner him, dragging him into one of the empty practice room that was surely soundproof and locked the door. He stood with arms crossed, piercing and stern eyes making Wonshik felt small despite their actual height.

“I won’t be able to help you if you’re not telling me anything,” said Hakyeon, sounding more like a concerned mother rather than the scolding one. Wonshik threw his sight away, preferring to stare at the floor instead.

“Well, I’m doing just fine, so—”

“Kim Wonshik. I might be staying silent and left you be, hoping that you’ll tell us about what is actually happening to you when you’re ready to, but I’m not blind. You are certainly not okay, and you will tell me what actually happens,” cut Hakyeon sharply. Wonshik sighed deeply, chewing his lower lips since he knew that there’s no way he could lie to Hakyeon. Although sometimes he didn’t look like one, VIXX’s leader was _certainly_ Hakyeon. He paid attention to the smallest details, especially when it’s about his beloved brothers.

“Promise me that you won’t tell it to anyone else. Literally no one else,” urged Wonshik. Hakyeon nodded firmly, expression serious.

“I promise. Now speak,” replied Hakyeon.

The words spilling out from his lips felt really heavy. Hakyeon didn’t say anything, letting him to finish his explanation without any disturbance, but his eyes clearly showed just how shocked and broken he was as he listened to Wonshik’s explanation. When Wonshik was done, his eyes were already glistening in tears, and he sighed deeply to calm himself down.

“Is there really no cure for it?” asked Hakyeon, trying to make sure about it once again.

“You know that I’m not taking the chance with heart transplant, especially when I know that it’s not going to cure me permanently,” replied Wonshik with composure he didn’t know he had.

“We’ll never know unless we try,” said Hakyeon. Wonshik pursed his lips and shook his head.

“I know why I got this illness, _hyung_. I know it’s going to reappear, no matter how many times I replaced my heart. I’d rather keep this one I have and live to the fullest until I reach my end,” replied Wonshik. Hakyeon opened his mouth to protest, then closed it again.

“If I kill the person you’re infatuated with, will that cure you?” asked Hakyeon, completely serious. Wonshik swore if he was drinking something when he said that, he would definitely choke to death.

“There’s no study about it yet, but please don’t start one. Besides, you won’t be able to kill this person anyway,” said Wonshik. Hakyeon chuckled, but the smile didn’t really reach his murderous eyes.

“Oh, just try me,” said Hakyeon, shaking his head slightly. Wonshik stared at him with raised eyebrows, and Hakyeon’s jaw hung open. “It’s not me, right?”

“Ew, no, _Hyung_ , no. As much as I respect you, I don’t have _that_ sort of feelings towards you,” denied Wonshik almost instantly, looking really repulsed over Hakyeon’s assumption. Hakyeon sighed and shrugged.

“I don’t even know whether I’m happy or offended. Well, whatever. Who is it? Someone in Gugudan? Our fellow VIXX members? Your dance crew? Your rapper friends? Which one?” pushed Hakyeon.

“Are you making wild guesses or are you listing down people you won’t kill?” asked Wonshik back.

“You know I won’t kill the first two, and that the rest are wild guesses. So, which one?” replied Hakyeon. Wonshik sighed again and rolled his eyes.

“Okay, can I keep that one to myself and myself only? Please just… Let me figure it out myself,” asked Wonshik. Hakyeon seemed dissatisfied with the answer, but he couldn’t comment much since Wonshik had already told him the truth about his illness.

“I guess I can’t push you any further. Fine. But remember, if you need some help, or just someone to talk to, I’m always here for you. And the assassination offer is still on,” said Hakyeon. Wonshik chuckled a little and patted Hakyeon’s shoulder.

“Thank you, _Hyung_. But seriously, no killing anyone. It doesn’t worth going to jail,” said Wonshik. Hakyeon pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows.

“You know the others will help me cleaning up the evidences and dispose the body. As long as we don’t bring Taekwoon along, the secret should be safe,” said Hakyeon half-jokingly.

Wonshik tensed a little upon hearing Taekwoon’s name, internally retorting with _‘Taekwoon-hyung won’t be able to say anything since he’s the one you’ll be killing, Hyung’_ , but chose to remain silent in the end. If Hakyeon noticed anything about his awkward silence, he didn’t say a thing.

“Please, _Hyung_. Even if I die later on, don’t kill him,” pleaded Wonshik. “Promise me.”

“Yes, yes, I promise. No killing,” replied Hakyeon. Feeling that he didn’t have anything else to talk about anymore, he moved to unlock the door.

“Anyway, you said _‘him’_ , so I can rule out everyone in Gugudan and half of your dance crew. And that beautiful tattoo artist you really like,” said Hakyeon casually.

“ _Hyung_ ,” warned Wonshik.

“I promise you that I won’t kill anyone, but you can’t kill my curiosity as well, Kim Wonshik,” replied Hakyeon. Wonshik chuckled and shook his head in disbelief.

* * *

Hakyeon really kept his words about not telling anyone about Wonshik’s condition, although he did seem a little more concerned towards Wonshik than before. Thankfully, other members saw it more like Hakyeon being the usual Hakyeon and only setting Wonshik as his permanent target of affection this time. Wonshik really appreciated that, although he’d appreciate it more if Hakyeon could also stop throwing him names randomly, trying to guess whom Wonshik fell in love with.

As he was given the chance for a solo debut, Wonshik felt just how engrossed he was with work, to the point that the progression of his illness seemed to be halting. He vaguely thought that if he kept on burying himself in work like that, maybe he could be cured. But when he saw Taekwoon coming over to his music video shooting, he faltered. Taekwoon, who was still very busy with all the practice for Mata Hari musical, who clearly didn’t have much rest as well, came all the way to the shooting location and greeted him with a small hand wave and gentle smile.

Wonshik could immediately feel the thorns that hadn’t been bothering him for the past few months started stabbing painfully at his heart again. His eyelids also felt heavy in no time, although he was doing just fine before. He urged himself to stay awake, stay focused on what he’s currently doing.

He didn’t know how he survived that night, but he managed to reach the back of the agency’s van before falling into deep slumber. He woke up past lunchtime in the following day, in his own bed, although he was still wearing the clothes from the night before. Groggily, he dragged himself out from his room. No matter how dirty people said he was, he still needed a shower.

The dorm seemed to be empty, and he didn’t really wonder why. He thought that probably he’s the only one left there, shuffling to the bathroom without many thoughts. And because of that, he almost collided with the person coming out from the bathroom, making him took a step back in surprise.

“Oh. You’re finally awake.”

There’s no way Wonshik mistook that soft voice as someone else’s. He was surprised to see Taekwoon in front of him, looking comfortable with the t-shirt and shorts.

“I thought you’re supposed to be practicing for Mata Hari?” asked Wonshik, his curiosity beat up the polite greeting. Taekwoon shook his head slowly.

“Practice starts at 4 PM today. I’m resting as much as I can,” replied Taekwoon. “You should be resting too. I heard you overworked yourself, that’s why you sleep so soundly last night.”

Wonshik grimaced. “Was it really that bad? Last night, I mean,” asked Wonshik. Taekwoon shrugged.

“You didn’t wake up even with Jaehwan screeching at your ear. Hyuk and Hongbin had to carry you from the car. Hyuk tried to wake you up again afterwards, but Hakyeon told us to let you be, since you’ve been too busy to sleep,” explained Taekwoon. Wonshik thanked Hakyeon silently, and he told himself to buy those bath bombs Hakyeon had been talking about nonstop.

“Well then, I’ll just take a quick shower and… go back to sleep, I guess,” said Wonshik. Taekwoon nodded.

“Sounds like a good plan,” he replied. He then stepped aside, letting Wonshik to enter the bathroom. But before Wonshik closed the door, he managed to slip a question.

“Do you want some noodles? I want to cook some for myself,” offered Taekwoon. Wonshik grinned widely and nodded in reply.

Wonshik had already done showering and changing into something comfortable while Taekwoon was still in the middle of cooking the noodles. Not wanting to disturb, Wonshik opted to just take a seat at the island counter and waited as he watched Taekwoon cooking. It had been quite awhile since the last time he got a private time with Taekwoon. He knew the danger of staying too close to Taekwoon would cause him to yearn for something more to happen between them. And when that happened, he knew that the symptoms would only get worse.

As if on cue, Wonshik felt painful stabs on his heart, even worse than when he saw Taekwoon the night before. The last thing he saw before his sight went black was Taekwoon’s wide back, so very inviting to be held.

* * *

When he woke up again, he was lying flat on the floor. Someone was holding his hand closely, and he only needed to turn a little to see that it was Taekwoon’s. He was sitting beside Wonshik with concern written all over his face. His eyes were wide when he noticed Wonshik waking up.

“Shik.” Taekwoon’s voice was breathy, as if he had been holding it in. Wonshik tried to sit up, but the side of his head was throbbing painfully he couldn’t even lift his head for too long. He felt Taekwoon’s other hand slipped under his head, helping him to lay down carefully.

“What happened?” asked Wonshik.

“You fell from the chair. Shik, what happened? How can you fall like that?” replied Taekwoon, asking back to Wonshik with so much concern it made his heart ached painfully.

“I’m okay, _Hyung_. Just… a little sleep deprived,” said Wonshik stiffly. He didn’t want to make Taekwoon worried more than he already had, but he also found it hard to lie to him.

“Are you really sure you’re only sleep deprived? Should we go to the hospital? I’ll call an ambulance—”

“Chill, _Hyung_. I’m really okay. It’s not like I’ll die tomorrow,” interrupted Wonshik. _‘I will probably die today if you keep on staring at me with so much care I know I can’t have.’_

“You still need to check your head. Who knows what might happen because of the impact,” insisted Taekwoon. Wonshik scoffed in reply. He knew that it wouldn’t even be as dangerous as what he already had.

“By the way, _Hyung_ , is the noodles still available? I’m kinda hungry,” said Wonshik, steering the conversation to different direction. Taekwoon sighed and looked over to the kitchen area, before staring down at Wonshik again.

“It’s probably soggy already. Let me just order some food for you,” replied Taekwoon as he reached for the phone in his pocket. But Wonshik squeezed his hand a bit harder and shook his head while smiling.

“I want to eat the noodles you’ve cooked for me,” said Wonshik. Taekwoon sighed again, looking somewhat tired and done.

“It’s already soggy, Wonshik. It won’t taste good. Just tell me what kind of food you want to order,” replied Taekwoon.

“Taekwoon- _hyung_ ’s soggy noodles,” replied Wonshik firmly with a stupid grin on his face. Taekwoon rolled his eyes tiredly. “I really really love you after all.”

Taekwoon’s eyes widened in surprise, and it took Wonshik awhile until he realized what he had just said. Be it because of the fall or not, his brain managed to mess up ‘your noodles’ with ‘you’.

“I—I mean your noodles. I must’ve hit my head really hard,” corrected Wonshik quickly, then he grinned again in attempt to convince Taekwoon that he only said it wrongly. There was a flash of hurt in Taekwoon’s eyes that vanished as soon as it appeared. Wonshik thought that he’s probably only imagining it.

“Okay, if you insisted. I won’t take responsibility if you have stomachache afterwards,” sighed Taekwoon. He then helped Wonshik to sit up slowly, leaning his back to the island counter. After he was sure that Wonshik was stable enough, he stood up and brought over the pot. Both of them ate the soggy noodle in silence, Taekwoon clearly not liking how soggy it was, but ate it anyway since Wonshik did too. He told Wonshik to stay seated while he was washed the dishes, then returned to help him getting up and returning to his room.

“You sure I don’t need to take you to hospital?” asked Taekwoon once again, just to make sure. Wonshik chuckled, shaking his head while grinning widely.

“I’m fine, _Hyung_. Sorry for making you worried, and thanks for the noodles,” replied Wonshik before closing the door. He took large steps to reach his bed, rolling onto it and quickly searched for his phone. It was almost 4, so Taekwoon should be getting ready to leave. Afterwards, he could probably slip out to the hospital.

Still, he wasn’t too sure about going alone, so he opened the chat and contacted Hakyeon personally. After making sure that Hakyeon would be back at 5 to pick him up, Wonshik dropped his phone and sank his head to the pillow. His eyes felt really heavy, and he hoped that he could wake up when Hakyeon was home.

* * *

“Wonshik, are you awa—oh good, I don’t have to drag you off that bed,” greeted Hakyeon as he entered Wonshik’s room. Wonshik had already sat up, rubbing the sleepiness away from his face.

“Let me just get my phone and wallet, then we can get going,” said Wonshik.

“Okay, I’ll just drop my stuffs in my room too. I’ve asked to borrow one of the cars—I’ll drive you there. You need some private time, don’t you?” replied Hakyeon. Wonshik gave him a grateful smile, feeling really lucky to have such caring leader like him.

Hakyeon was silent as he got the car started and out to the main road. But once they were hitting the familiar road, he quickly opened his mouth, “It’s Taekwoonie, right?”

Wonshik didn’t reply, but his expression visibly tightened, and that’s enough answer for Hakyeon. Hakyeon exhaled loudly, eyes fixed at the road although his attention was on Wonshik all the time. “I’m doing my share of reading further about your illness too. If you ask me, confessing to Woonie—”

“No, thank you, I’m not confessing—”

“Shut up, you brat, I’m still talking. Listen, if you’re going to die anyway, confessing to Woonie doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” suggested Hakyeon. Wonshik groaned.

“ _Hyung_ , I still have at least a year or so, don’t kill me off that easily,” whined Wonshik.

“You’ll die young anyway, what difference does a year or a day make? You’ve strongly refused the heart transplant option, so getting Woonie to return your feelings is the only option left,” said Hakyeon blatantly. Wonshik groaned again.

“It doesn’t mean you can involve Taekwoon- _hyung_ into this mess. I can handle this,” said Wonshik. Hakyeon shrugged.

“I’m still thinking it worth a shot to confess. If he likes you back, you’ll be cured, and that’s good,” said Hakyeon. Wonshik exhaled loudly.

“And if he rejects me, I don’t know which one will stop first; my heart or my brain. Or both at the same time,” replied Wonshik bitterly.

“I’ll make sure to play your favorite Chris Brown songs on your funeral. Or wedding. Whichever happens first,” quipped Hakyeon. Wonshik couldn’t help but snorted at the remark.

Wonshik let Hakyeon followed him into the consultation room, listening to the explanation from the doctor and the short discussion with Wonshik. The doctor explained that Wonshik was possibly having some sort of rebound effect, causing the illness to progress faster than predicted.

“How long does he has left?” asked Hakyeon before Wonshik could even raise that question.

“It’s hard to tell now, with his condition being unstable like this. And once again, I suggest Mr. Kim to sign up for a heart transplant. That’s the best solution we have for now,” replied the doctor.

“Sir, I want to ask. If, hypothetically, the person Wonshik is infatuated with returns the feelings, will he be completely cured?” asked Hakyeon seriously.

“Looking at our past cases, I can confidently say yes. He’ll be completely cured,” replied the doctor. Hakyeon looked at Wonshik with raised eyebrows, and Wonshik looked back while shaking his head a little. That gesture made the doctor curiously asked, “Excuse me if I’m wrong, but is this gentleman your—”

“No.” Wonshik and Hakyeon answered firmly before the doctor could finish the question. “I just happen to know the person, and that’s definitely not me,” added Hakyeon.

There was some more explanations about the pros and cons of the heart transplant, as well as the scenario of Wonshik confessing to the person he’s infatuated with. For the whole time, Hakyeon was glancing at Wonshik with _‘what the hell are you waiting for then’_ look. When the consultation was over, Hakyeon drove Wonshik back to the dorm.

“You really should confess,” said Hakyeon as soon as they hit the main road. Wonshik only rolled his eyes in reply.

* * *

Everyone was already back at the dorm as well when they arrived, minus Taekwoon. “Where are you two from?” asked Hongbin, out of habit rather than out of concern.

“Taking this fool to check his head at the hospital. He fell from the chair hit his head earlier, according to Woonie,” replied Hakyeon as he pointed his chin at Wonshik.

“Is it bad?” asked Jaehwan upon hearing the word ‘hospital’.

“No, I’m completely fine,” replied Wonshik as he joined Jaehwan at the couch. Sanghyuk plopped beside him, watching as Jaehwan rubbed the side and back of Wonshik’s head.

“Seems that there’s no bulge or anything, so I guess you’ll be okay,” commented Jaehwan.

“That’s why I told you I’m fine,” replied Wonshik.

They’re quick to change the topic of their conversation, talking about their day, the lessons they took and all. Hakyeon was the first to bid a goodnight, returning to the room he shared with Taekwoon with a big yawn. Jaehwan and Sanghyuk followed afterwards, sleeping a bit early since they’re having vocal class and dance class in the morning. Only Hongbin and Wonshik were left in the living room, sprawled across two couches and minding their own businesses.

Hongbin had just stood up from the couch when the front door was opened. Taekwoon had finally come home, looking somewhat exhausted.

“Welcome home, _Hyung_!” greeted Hongbin. Taekwoon nodded in reply, then glanced to Wonshik. Wonshik raised his hand and mumbled a greeting as well.

“How’s your head?” asked Taekwoon.

“He should be fine. Hakyeon- _hyung_ took him to hospital earlier,” replied Hongbin before Wonshik could even say anything. Taekwoon was visibly frowning.

“Hakyeon did?” he asked. Hongbin nodded, and Taekwoon’s frown disappeared. It was replaced with something that seemed to be wounded expression. He only mumbled a low ‘oh’ in reply, then padded to his shared room without another word.

With Hongbin retreating to his room as well, Wonshik was left alone in the living room, wide awake as the result of his messed up sleeping cycle. He just mindlessly scrolling through his phone, reading some recent news on basically anything. When it almost hit midnight, he thought that he should try sleeping after all, and decided to do so after he finished reading the next news. But then the door of Hakyeon and Taekwoon’s shared room clicked opened, and he turned in reflect.

Taekwoon emerged from the room, looking even more exhausted than when he arrived at the dorm. He looked back at Wonshik and his sight stayed for a short while, before he turned to the kitchen to fetch some water. Wonshik stilled at his seat, pretending to read the news although he wasn’t focused at all.

“Can’t sleep?” asked Taekwoon softly, voice barely a whisper, as if he was afraid of waking up the others. Wonshik hummed in reply, and he heard footsteps coming closer from the kitchen. Taekwoon stood behind the couch where Wonshik was sprawling on, leaning the upper half of his body on top of the couch. He was only staring down at Wonshik, and suddenly Wonshik felt too aware about himself.

“You can’t sleep as well?” asked Wonshik tentatively. Taekwoon blinked slowly in reply. “Is there something bothering you until you can’t sleep?” he asked again, and Taekwoon blinked slowly again. “Well, since I’m still awake as well, why don’t you tell me what’s bothering your mind? I’ll try to help as much as I can,” said Wonshik.

Taekwoon pushed himself back from the couch, and at first Wonshik thought that he’d be returning to his room. To his surprise, Taekwoon actually walked around the couch and nudged Wonshik’s legs away. Wonshik put them down, and pushing himself up as well while Taekwoon plopped at the empty space. Taekwoon turned his head a little, opening his mouth as if wanting to say something, but then he closed it again and looked down to the floor. They stayed in silence until Wonshik felt that his eyes felt heavy already.

“ _Hyung_ , if—”

“Do you have no faith in me?” asked Taekwoon abruptly, cutting Wonshik’s words and left him in confusion.

“Wait, what?” asked Wonshik, frowning deeply, “What are you talking about?”

“You refused to go to the hospital when I offered you to. But then you actually went there with Hakyeon,” said Taekwoon. “Do you not trust me at all?”

Wonshik gaped, didn’t know where to start. Could he say that it’s just a misunderstanding? But then he couldn’t really deny that he’d been trusting Hakyeon more than Taekwoon. No, to be more exact, he could never tell Taekwoon about his illness. Still, his mouth ran faster than his brain. Before he could even arrange a good explanation to give, he already blurted out, “I do trust you, _Hyung_.”

“But not as much you trust Hakyeon,” added Taekwoon. The way Taekwoon said it made Wonshik’s heart throbbed painfully. He knew it’s probably those stupid thorns again, painfully reminding him about how much of a fool he was.

Wonshik felt his sight blurring, and he pressed the bridge of his nose as he willed himself to stay awake. He’s not going to involuntarily fall asleep in front of Taekwoon for the second time in a day. He couldn’t let that happen.

“Shik, what’s wrong? Is it your head?” asked Taekwoon, voice filled with concern. Wonshik blinked several times, pulling a grin as if there’s nothing wrong with him.

“I’m okay, just a bit sleepy,” said Wonshik, not completely lying, but he could feel just how fake it sounded.

“That’s not all, isn’t it?” pushed Taekwoon. “I know something is wrong. I don’t exactly know what it is, but I know that you let Hakyeon knows about it. Whatever it is, Shik, just let me know as well. I want to help you.”

Wonshik vaguely thought that the least Taekwoon could do at that moment was to help him. So instead of replying to Taekwoon, he just pushed himself to his feet and rushed into his room without any words. His consciousness was gone before he could even reach his bed, dropping to the floor right next to it.

* * *

Something bright pulled him out from his sleep. He opened his eyes slowly, a bit disoriented. There were bushes of roses as far as he could see, blooming in deep crimson. For some reasons, he felt the urge to walk forward; following the golden path spread open in front of him. As he walked he noticed how he was holding a blooming rose, white petals with deep blue spreading on the veins. Slowly, Wonshik pulled off the petals one by one, softly counting.

_He loves me… He loves me not…_

Before he could pluck all of them, he noticed that someone was standing in front of him. He slowly raised his gaze, exchanging gaze with the man whose smile was the sun itself. Wonshik dropped the rose he held to the ground, no longer paying attention to it. The man in front of him was smiling sweetly—pink lips tempting to be kissed. He braved himself to step forward, reaching out to cup those soft cheeks with his hands.

_He loves me… He loves me…_

Their lips were so close he could feel the other’s breath, inhaling it like it’s the only life support he had.

But before he could prove if those lips were as sweet as they looked, the scenery around him distorted and plunged into darkness. He faintly heard his name being shouted, again and again, until he could recognize the voice as Jaehwan’s. No one could make those various weird sounds if it’s not him.

Wonshik cracked open his eyes, groaning softly. He was disappointed that whatever happened before was only a dream, and that Jaehwan just had to wake him up at the most crucial moment.

“Shut up, _Hyung_ , I’m awake,” slurred Wonshik before yawning really wide. His body felt stiff, and he wasn’t surprised when he found that he was sleeping on the floor. He pushed himself up, feeling his muscles and joints protested from heaven knows how many hours he slept on the hard surface.

“Good, because it’s almost lunch time and you’re so hard to be wakened up! Seriously, Wonshik, you’re going to beat me on that,” nagged Jaehwan as he pulled Wonshik up. Wonshik let him to, then following him to the kitchen to grab some water.

Taekwoon was also in the kitchen, leaning to the counter with a glass of water in his hand. Their sight met, and Taekwoon quickly threw his away along with the remaining water in his glass. He rushed out from the kitchen, disappearing quickly into his room.

Seeing that, Wonshik felt his heart being pierced again. The image of white-blue petal from his dream resurfaced, along with his own whisper.

_He loves me not…_

* * *

Wonshik woke up to the other five members looking down at him with the same concerned expression. He blinked slowly, trying to wonder just where all the rose bushes went, until he realized that he was supposed to be practicing for the new dance.

“He’s awake!” shrieked Jaehwan. Wonshik winced a little, not quite ready for it.

“ _Hyung_ , you really scares us. Seriously, what’s wrong with you?” asked Sanghyuk. Wonshik slowly pushed himself to sit up, only then realizing that Hakyeon had been resting his head on his lap.

“Nothing much, just a bit sleepy. Sorry for making you all worried,” said Wonshik as he grinned sheepishly.

“No, you’re not ‘just a bit sleepy’. Do you take us all as fools?” scolded Hongbin. Wonshik chewed his lower lip, still not really sure about what he should say. He stole a glance at Taekwoon, who stood the farthest and still hadn’t said a word. Wonshik didn’t dare to stare too long, but he felt oddly relieved to see worry in his eyes.

“Kim Wonshik. We are all your brothers. You can always talk to us about anything,” assured Jaehwan. Wonshik still refused to talk, staring down at the floor with heavy heart. Then, he heard Hakyeon sighing heavily.

“Either you tell them, or I will,” warned Hakyeon firmly. Wonshik quickly turned around and grabbed Hakyeon’s wrist, squeezing it hard.

“No. You promised me not to,” hissed Wonshik. Hakyeon looked back at him with stern expression. Wonshik understood, he should have told them ever since he started falling asleep involuntarily. Hell, he should have told them all since the day he found out about his illness. But no, he and his so-called pride didn’t let himself to say it out loud—to say that he had fallen that low because he was infatuated with someone they all knew.

As if on cue, Taekwoon rushed out from the practice room. Hongbin was about to call him back, but Wonshik stopped him. Without Taekwoon there, he could speak about his illness a little bit better. He didn’t know if Taekwoon was still close by to listen, but it didn’t matter. As long as Wonshik didn’t see him in person, he felt that he could speak.

Hongbin seemed to be mildly pissed that Wonshik stopped him abruptly like that. “What is it again? Are you having a fight with Taekwoon- _hyung_ or what?” he snapped.

“It’s not like that,” Wonshik quickly denied. He took a long breath, then he started his explanation, “I’m suffering from an illness called ‘Black Rose Disease’.”

* * *

Everyone knew. Everyone but Taekwoon knew, after Wonshik explained what actually happened to him. Hakyeon helped filling in some details that Wonshik forgot, revealing that he already knew about Wonshik’s condition a few months prior. Wonshik purposely left out the fact that the one he’s infatuated with was Taekwoon, and he was glad that the others didn’t nag him as much as Hakyeon did before. Still, he thought that it’s probably because they all noticed it already. He had always been too obvious, after all.

Sanghyuk gave him a crushing hug afterwards. Hongbin and Jaehwan joined arms with Hakyeon, insisting him to just try confessing to his crush. Wonshik groaned loudly with all sorts of confession style they suggested, ranging from simple direct confession to flashmob on busy shopping street.

After some more chitchat, they decided to just return to the dorm and resume the practice another time. When they arrived, Taekwoon was already there, eating noodles alone in the kitchen. Hakyeon gave Wonshik a little push at the back as he winked teasingly to him, then quickly went into his room. Jaehwan loudly announced that he’s sleepy and went straight to his room, and Sanghyuk also quietly went into his, while Hongbin opted to snatching a towel and locked himself into the bathroom.

Wonshik awkwardly stepped into the kitchen, avoiding eye contact with Taekwoon. Taekwoon himself seemed to be really interested with his bowl of noodles, slurping loudly in attempt to fill in the silence.

“Are you okay, _Hyung_?” asked Wonshik tentatively. “You were sort of, er, racing out from the practice room earlier.”

Taekwoon slurped louder, as if he wanted to drown Wonshik’s voice completely. Wonshik pursed his lips, knowing that he probably shouldn’t try pushing Taekwoon to talk when he didn’t want to. He opted to just get some water to drink.

Wonshik was just about to retreat to his room in defeat, but Taekwoon suddenly spoke. “So when are you going to tell me that you and Hakyeon are going out?” he asked, tone rich with bottled anger. Wonshik’s jaw dropped. Just how the hell Taekwoon pulled that conclusion?

When Wonshik didn’t reply, Taekwoon glared at him with piercing eyes. “You, both of you, might want to hide it. But I’m not blind. I’m—” Taekwon exhaled loudly, breaking his gaze from Wonshik and hiding his face behind his hands. “You’ve told the others, right? I’m sure they’ll support you. But I can’t. I really can’t.”

“ _Hyung_ , listen—”

“I’m sorry, Shik. Forget what I said earlier. I don’t want to hear it.”

“But, _Hyung_ —”

“I told you I don’t want to hear it.”

“ _Taekwoon!_ ”

Taekwoon stared right into Wonshik’s eyes, startled from the powerful yank on his wrist and the rising tone of Wonshik’s voice. Wonshik knew that it’s a bad idea, a very bad idea, but sometimes his body reacted faster than his brain. He still could taste the noodle seasoning, but he was more aware at just how soft Taekwoon’s lips felt against his.

The eyes staring widely at him made Wonshik felt breathless despite just how short and chaste their kiss was. “It’s you, _Hyung_ ,” said Wonshik softly but firmly, “The one I really like is you.”

There. He said it.

Taekwoon was still staring at him, looking completely in loss of what Wonshik had just said. Wonshik really couldn’t blame him about it. Without waiting for Taekwoon’s reaction any longer, he released the wrist he had been holding. But he was surprised when Taekwoon quickly grasped his hand, pulling it strongly until Wonshik lost his balance and had to slam his free hand to the table to prevent him from colliding with Taekwoon.

“Me too.” Taekwoon’s voice was barely even a whisper, tickling his ears. He could hear his breath, his sighs, his racing heartbeat. Even the soft whisper sounded so loud in his ears, echoing deeply into his heart.

He could feel tears prickling his eyes, and he let it poured out just like that. Taekwoon must have realized that he was crying, since he could feel the arms circling his neck was getting tighter. Wonshik slowly placed a hand on Taekwoon’s back, sighing in relief when he could feel just how real he was. It wasn’t a dream. Jaehwan could come and screech at him in any moment, but he wouldn’t have to face the bitter reality that it was just a dream.

The pain in his heart was gone, and he didn’t feel sleepy at all.

* * *

Wonshik got himself a cream-colored French bulldog as soon as he got home from the hospital. The test results were excellent, and he decided to put his worries away and did one of the things he wanted to do since long before he got ill. He managed to survive from an illness that could’ve taken away his life, so he didn’t want to have regrets anymore.

“Why would you name your dog ‘buttocks’?” asked Taekwoon as he played with Ondongie. He was visiting Wonshik’s studio since Wonshik asked him to.

“Isn’t it cute? I like how it sounds,” replied Wonshik innocently as he plopped beside Taekwoon, contently watching how Ondongie comfortably snuggled onto Taekwoon’s lap. “You know I like butts. Yours especially.”

Taekwoon held Ondongie in place with one hand while slapping Wonshik as hard as he could with another hand. Wonshik laughed loudly at the reaction, loving the way Taekwoon’s face went red.

“By the way, I have something to give you,” said Wonshik as he pulled out a small box from his pocket and handed it to Taekwoon. Taekwoon raised his eyebrows in surprise, but he took it anyway, looking fascinated.

“Can I open it now?” he asked. Wonshik nodded eagerly, and Taekwoon carefully pulled the lid off. His eyes were wide as his fingers brushing at the crystal bracelet sitting inside it.

“It’s not a watch, but I have the exact same bracelet with that. I hope you like it,” said Wonshik, still with a wide smile on his face. Taekwoon turned to him with a frown.

“…what watch?” he asked.

“The very expensive one you said you wanted in that new year talkshow,” replied Wonshik. Taekwoon’s frown deepened as he tried to remember which one, and when he finally got it, he was blushing again.

“How can you remember something like that…” mumbled Taekwoon.

“I’ve told you that I like you, so of course I can remember things like that,” replied Wonshik smoothly, still with the grin that made Taekwoon blushed to the very core of his soul.

“Anyway, how’s your illness? Does your heart still feel hurt? Have you been dozing off suddenly lately?” asked Taekwoon, trying to steer the conversation to something else. Wonshik hummed, resting his head on Taekwoon’s shoulder.

“Gone. Completely. All thanks to you,” replied Wonshik. Taekwoon sighed in relief. He had his share listening to Wonshik’s complete story, also yelling at him that none of it would happen if Wonshik could just man up and confess to him. But then again, it also took Taekwoon forever to reveal to Wonshik that the feelings were mutual, so they were even.

“Taekwoon,” Wonshik called softly, dropping the honorifics since there were only the two of them in that studio, “Let’s have a comeback. LR, I mean.”

Taekwoon chuckled at the sudden proposal. “You know, unless we can present them with excellent songs, we can’t have a comeback,” said Taekwoon lightly.

“I got mine covered,” said Wonshik teasingly. “That’s why I’m asking you.”

Taekwoon chuckled and shook his head in disbelief. “Yes, Kim Wonshik. Yes. Let’s have a comeback and tell the whole world just how much we like each other.”

“I love you, _Hyung_. Love you, love you, really, really love you,” teased Wonshik.

Taekwoon had to bury his face on Ondongie’s back.


End file.
